Five Things that Never Happened to Wilhelm Klink
by Clonesofconfusion
Summary: This is just a quick fic about five things that never happened to Klink


**AUTHOR'S TITLE: Five things that never happened to Wilhelm Klink **

**AUTHOR: Clonesofconfusion **

**BETA: None **

**DISCLAIMER: Hogan's Heroes does not belong to me, never will. This is meant in fun, solely for entertainment and I make no profit from this what-so-ever, okay!  
AUTHOR NOTES: We thought, 'hey, why the heck not?'. And this is where I beg, most shamelessly , for feedback, sooo. PLEASE PLEASE review! These five drabbles are not related to each other; they are each pretty much self-contained**.

1. **His Admirer**

Col. Wilhelm Klink looked up as his door opened. His secretary, Helga, slipped inside, closing it behind her.

"Yes, What is it?" The slender balding man adjusted his monocle as he looked up at her

"Kommodant, there's something I want you to know." The young blond woman slipped around the desk and perched on his knee. "I love you. I absolutely adore you, Mein Wilhelm." she whispered. She pressed her lips to his, running a slim hand up his chest.

**2 His Advancement**

Wilhelm Klink suppressed a shiver as he overlooked several thousand German troops. Fresh snow had been falling for a few hours, but it was time to march on to the next city on their path to the heart of Russia.

Klink flipped up the fur collar of his uniform coat, idly wishing it were summer. A voice from behind him caught his attention, causing him to turn around.  
"Sir, it's time to go. General Klink, sir?"

3 **His Hangover**

"YOU ARE A MISERABLE EXCUSE FOR A GERMAN OFFICER!" The short, black clad Gestapo screamed. "Because of your incompetence, Hogan and his men have run amok without interference!" Hochsetter continued to rant at Wilhelm Klink.

Klink, tired of the war, of the angry little man, and the endless paperwork he sent to Berlin that he was pretty sure no one ever read, leaned over an open desk drawer and pulled out a pistol, and raised it.  
Without warning, without pause, and without aiming, he emptied it into the chest of the loudly verbal Gestsapo.

Shultz, the genial sergeant of the guard, came running at the sound of the shots. "KOMMODANT?" He yelled, panting.

Klink cradled his head in his left hand," Why did I let Hogan talk me into that drinking contest last night?" he groaned.

4**. His Secret**

He moved silently and swiftly through the dark underground tunnel, heading unerringly towards the small radio control room. He stepped into the entrance and watched as the realization dawned on Hogan, the awareness that Klink was in the secret tunnels blossoming across his genial features.

"Oh, dear." Hogan rolled his eyes and lifted his hands into the air, his men doing the same behind him. "I guess the gig is up, right sir."

"Indeed." Klink slipped his pistol into his pocket and moved forward, into the brighter light of the room. "The 'gig' is up." A strange smile flitted across his face. "Hey, diddle diddle, the cat and the fiddle." He said, grey-green eyes twinkling with ill-disguised humor.

"The cow jumped over the moon." Hogan supplied his half of the recognition code with relief, clapping Klink on the back with camaraderie.

5**. His Wife **

Hogan burst into Klink's office, not bothering to wait for an answer to his knock. He stopped just inside the door, feet freezing in shock.

Klink stood in front of his desk, arms wrapped around a young, lovely brunette. They were kissing with a passion Hogan had never seen from Klink before.

"Whoa! Sorry, sir, didn't know you had company!" The American stuttered out.

Klink noticed the other man and disengaged himself from the woman.  
"Ah. My dear, "he said to the girl, "This is Colonel Robert Hogan, senior POW officer of Stalag 13, and I like to think, a friend"  
He turned a happy smile to Hogan. "And this lovely young lady is Greta, my wife."

Hogan, for once, found himself to be speechless.

So, what do you think? This is the first one we've posted here. Please review and tell us what you think of it!


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